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Staring at the Sun (Songs 1973​-​1981)

by Andrew Calhoun

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Marty Rosen
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Le Trombone
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1.
The Living and the Breathing Wind 03:18
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The Living and the Breathing Wind Think of all the seasons and the feelings and the moods; Think of all the people that our love affair includes, We are bound together like the morning and the evening; We are bound together with the living and the breathing wind. Some things happen that shouldn't, my child; Like the snapping turtle snapping, while the turtle-killer smiled, And the sun went pale, and the day was drained of meaning, We are bound together with the living and the breathing wind. Listen to the sound of the cat-bird's call; He sings just like a cat, but the cat won't sing at all, When you leave me, I will take my sorrow from your leaving, We are bound together with the living and the breathing wind. I am not the captain, nor the bosun, nor the crewman, In this ship's kind heart, I am a number, and a human, When my ship goes down, I leave my love on land to grieve me; We are bound together with the living and the breathing wind. I'm not in any trouble, so I'm not in any hurry. If there's no time to lose, I have no time to worry, For there is no choice, though I gamble odd or even, They are bound together with the living and the breathing wind. One man had no cards, to spread upon the table, One man turned his back, and he left the Tower of Babel, He spoke not a word, but his eyes were straight and even, We are bound together with the living and the breathing wind. Think of all the seasons, and the feelings, and the moods; Think of all the people that our love affair includes, We are bound together, like the morning and the evening, We are bound together with the living and the breathing wind.
2.
Walk Me to the War 03:01
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Down the green hill, to the cold stream Many men still tumble yet Falling from the yellow sunbeam All too eager to forget Morning's gone, the desk is cluttered Sunshine screaming off the snow The door is shut, the window shuttered Listen to the silence crow Hidden from the dreary echo Hidden from the whooping cough Babies cower in the cradle From something that can't be far off Holding tight to mother's finger Yellow lollipops galore Half in goodness, half in wonder Will you walk me to the war? Roaming past the Roman ruins Pits upon a foaming face Terror came to tame the shoppers Targets in the marketplace No one made a wrong decision No one left a thing behind A broken chance, a twilight vision Ripped across an empty mind I walked out to the bridge this evening And watched the stream that ran below Day is done, and sun is setting I forgot something I used to know Who is born to drop a bomb Down beneath a yellow sun? When I laugh, I laugh alone When I cry, I cry for everyone Down the green hill to the cold stream Many men still tumble yet Falling from the yellow sunbeam All too eager to forget
3.
Circle of Killers 02:22
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scratched your face on purpose, To see what I would find; I thought I would fall forward, But then I fell behind. The boys have gone out fishing, The men have gone to war; A crazy priest in a rattlesnake hood Led three silly monks ashore. You think I speak to you, But you're hearing a stranger; I'm as bored as a clock, I'm a sleeper in shock, I know when I'm in danger. That man must have been crazy, He didn't want to hear the word; I saw him throw a javelin Into the tongue of the Lord. I have fought in many theatres, This must be another; I'd step in the middle of a circle of killers To stand beside my father. And now I'm trying hard To remember what's been said; Confusion like a butterfly Hangs heavy in my head. If I don't get back out, It means I forgot why I came; If you look, you'll find me in a lonesome cave, Hanging from my name. Hanging from my name.
4.
History 03:13
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On the crusted city street, the stores are closing down And old men leaning on the walls are the only ones around To watch old Queen Victoria walk by them in her gown The ballgame on the vacant lot is over, and it's gone And I hope that someone else but me is staring at the sun Well sometimes the freaks pass by and hide behind themselves Their movement is over, or it's passed to someone else And their empty eyes reveal that they realize it's false And they mutter down the gutters in their cracking, shivering shells As the maidens of the moment drag the water from the wells I'm absolutely certain that the wind is blowing hot I know just when you're with me, I know just when you're not Centuries have passed, or we wouldn't have what we've got You said not to forget all the bodies left to rot Well now that you remind me, I suppose that I forgot There is something in you that was there when you were born You're lucky to survive, you're lucky to be strong I am held a prisoner, I am just a pawn My body shakes in anger as my brain is slowly torn And I hope that someone else but me is staring at the sun
5.
Kiss that Goblet 03:09
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My friend the crater asked me to dinner My friend the crater wants my head My friend the crater wants to be a winner My friend the crater wants me dead You can see me some night when the crater calls Outside nailing my head to the wall All I've watched and what I've learned Must serve me now cause it's my turn To shake and quake and wonder why And retch and sock and twist and fry My shimmy is shook, my day is done Now I'm the crook and you're the one Something's spinning through the mesh Beneath the surface of the flesh Someone's gone down to the store We're all out of poison and we need some more Sun's gone down and the moon is blue Lightning down on me and you A spider playing peek-a-boo Has splintered all our points of view Don't you ever leave me when I need you Don't you ever let me down Sit upon my shoulders, darling Try and keep me on the ground Hang it out the window for me Leave it there to blow around Here I come in all my glory Running from the lost and found I will be here long as you are I will be here long as love I will be your sweet potato I will be your turtle dove Kiss that goblet when you break Kiss that goblet when you're crushed Kiss that goblet when you wake At dusk When your mind has coming to nothing When your feet have gone astray Kiss that goblet at your wedding Kiss it on your dying day Kiss that goblet, crippling thunder Kiss that goblet, weak and old Kiss that goblet six feet under Kiss that goblet freezing cold My friend the crater asked me to dinner
6.
I Have Run and I Have Crawled 02:09
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I have run and I have crawled And I have come when I’ve been called A mirror spoke into a face Said, “I wish I was born some other place” Strange to see you in my head You’ve been such a long time dead I’ve been tortured, I’ve been cut I’ve been walking down the highway with my eyes shut Well you know we done the best we could But there’s still one back in the woods It was cold outside last night And the last dog home cried with all his might I have run and I have crawled And I have come when I’ve been called
7.
Atmospheres 04:01
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I guess I'm the same person as I was yesterday But I've locked up those feelings, and now I've lost the key Swimming in the water, floating in the flame You've hurt me so much in the last day or so, I'll never be the same You smile too often, so I don't think you know That sometimes it freezes, and the cold wind blows If half of us are evil, it's one of us two You're pointing straight at me and I'm pointing straight at you I will trust the poet to do battle at the core To put together pieces not rememberd anymore To understand the ocean, and to crawl along the floor I'm an angel, I'm a demon, please don't open up my door Staring at your smiles is like staring at the blind But the fire and the ocean leave your plastic eyes behind And my rows of books remind me of another state of mind As I walk out of solitude, determined to be kind But I find myself in games where I can't obey the rules And anyone who doesn't play is a coward or a fool And it always seems to come down to withdrawal or a duel And I feel my face grow tighter, and close in on my skull Horrible days, and horrible years Pounding heat, and atmospheres Waiting for me in the air You think I've got a treasure, but there's nothing left in here I sit in the shadows of shadowy places Watching lovers, with light in their face With all of us gamblers, playing our aces From the drunk with his drink to the boy with his laces Uncover me, save me, come tear me to pieces
8.
Broken Boundaries 03:52
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Sitting in the backseat, waiting for the joke, You told me you were leaving, I said, "Sorry, I don't smoke." Sorry, I don't smoke. Standing near a murder, waiting for a dream, You are my anger, and my anger is my pain. All these thoughts and days, Die away and freeze; I will see you, I will see you, Through broken boundaries. I can see the gun, Sweating in the sun; I will still him, I will kill him Before the end is come. Racing down the highway, waiting for the sound, Waiting for the exit, waiting for the ground. Waiting for the ground. A purple glow of evil, is spreading like a plague; Everything's a burden, but everything is vague. You think you have no clues That you were meant to lose, And then the blood climbs through the mud And settles in your shoes. Did you hear me scream? Can you hear me call? Could you love me, could you love me, In any way at all? All these thoughts and days, Die away and freeze; I will see you, I will see you, Through broken boundaries.
9.
A Seat in the Mezzanine 04:23
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Well I'd ask her for coffee or a walk in the rain, But what if she was into Jesus, what is she was strange? Strange tunes playing in my head, Like a caravan of corpses, like a song of the dead One, two, buckle my shoe The big parade was the end of you Whiskey bottles all in a row I mowed that lawn myself, you know I grew up in a moldy cave, Listening to brilliance rave Life's annoying, blue and bleak, Sitting on the stairs in the middle of the week Close your eyes, say holy grace Then stuff them strawberries in your face Life is boring, life is hard Do you mind if I cut across your backyard? Sweat your morning, squeeze your death, Clutch your stomach, fetch your breath Wake at 5 A.M., hell, it's a cinch Just give yourself a Doberman pinch People fade from me like smoke People smother in a hollow joke I've traveled in buses and I've traveled in tears And I'm bound to lose a screw somewhere There once was a man who never understood That laughter isn't happy, and gossip isn't good He wanted my time, but he wouldn't say why He said, "I want to drag out all the seaweed, and spread it out to dry." Oh-oh-oh, what do you do In an incubator, in a Irish stew How do you expect me to talk When I'm stirring up the batter, and listening to Bach? Once there were eight, now there's only seven A stomach-break angel was murdered in heaven The sun shone down, and clung to eleven lies You fry my moments, and you swallow my days You crucify me with cliches There's a rain on the waves, a storm on the beach, I know the Bible, listen to me preach It's a mystery to me how I got so wet Give me a towel to wipe away the water and the sweat Life is scary, life is huge Give me some kind of refuge Give me some kind of refuge I was working all night, I was working all day So I slept right through the matinee You'll be safe, you'll stay clean If you can get a seat in the mezzanine In the forest, I sit and pine Falling in love is a habit of mine You got me all wrong, I'm afraid I didn't come to get stood up, I came to get laid I didn't come to get swallowed, I came to get drunk The drain backed up and the soldier sunk Like reason to the mind of chaos Everything turns silly in the face of hate With malice toward nurses, with malice toward nuns I follow a curse for the sake of some puns I've got to punch to touch, I've got to hurt to feel I've got to kill somebody to make them real Oh-oh-oh, what do you do In an incubator, in a Irish stew How do you expect me to talk When I'm stirring up the batter, and listening to Bach? Once there were eight, now there's only seven A stomach-break angel was murdered in heaven The sun shone down, and clung to eleven lies You fry my moments, and you swallow my days You crucify me with cliches There's a rain on the waves, a storm on the beach, I know the Bible, listen to me preach It's a mystery to me how I got so wet Give me a towel to wipe away the water and the sweat Life is scary, life is huge Give me some kind of refuge Give me some kind of refuge
10.
God Told Me I Could Come 03:04
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I walk into the room, it's decked out like a tomb, Strange priests were sitting round, strange people on the ground. Chorus, repeat after every verse: God told me I could come, told me I could come, There is nothing I can do, that I need to prove to you, You've got to move some, You've got to move some. I find my way at last, I echo in the past; I shy and drift away, come back again to stay. It's a very special party, with Tom and Dick and Marty, Where the special people meet, with their coke and little feet. Here we come in twos and threes, on our feet and on our knees, Saying thanks and pretty please, past the snipers in the trees, With our reading and our math, looking for the flowered path. We come popping happily, we come singing harmony, But we lose it in the teeth, of the lying thief, And we lose it in the hope, of the hangman's rope, And we lose it in the eye, of the one who says goodbye. We come popping happily, we come singing harmony, And we find it in the way we rise up again today; And we find it in the calm that with not obey the bomb, And we find it in the love, that death can't shove From the face of one you know, while the rivers overflow, And the seagulls burn, and the oceans churn. And when the time has come to choose, There will be no king of the Jews; There will be no prince of men, Only me and us and them. When the season frays, and the seas part ways, Best to loose your hold, on fool's gold; Best to rise from your knees, And to stand up with the trees.
11.
From Time to Time 05:09
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Man such a man got kissed on the fist Kissed by a hand, and touched by a mouth On the corner of an eagle book Wasted by another look After half a bottle of vermouth Just want enough of the wicked stuff All white and wrecked, what did he expect And when I wander secretly On ground untouched by jealousy Who will come to cry for me When I am underground? If you'd just give me back my gun I'd be the same as anyone When my nose can see a sound A typical verse, a pigeon curse Formed in jest, or something worse A wishy-washy lady tried to seduce me In a voice she must have thought was sexy It was weeping with pain, it was leaking like a drain I don't remember what I said, my voice with irritation bled Into some fresh and ancient stain My wound stood shaking in my head And where did I forget to go? What did I give up? What did I forget to do? And who did I forget to love? I should have been a black man Or someone more like who I am I should have been an Eskimo Red-faced from the ice and snow A young girl showed me some respect Her fingers warm against my neck She melted me with courtesy And came to me quite frequently Before she found out I was black She didn't ask for nothing back And so I did not ask for much But I got scared, and she got scared She took away my beggar's cup I saw her creeping down the stairs That I was creeping up And where did I forget to go? What did I give up? What did I forget to do? And who did I forget to love? A treasury of crusty creams Misery, and garden greens History, and secret scenes Misery, and unheard groans Come to me, at half past nine Leave me in the wintertime My wits are sharp, my face is clean The basket's mine and so's the wine Don't fear for me, I'm well and fine I love myself, from time to time I think of you, from time to time In salty shades of lemon lime I place your face in every space Time for this sad nut to crack You know I have a fragile spine Do not slap me on the back Your smile is enough Stark naked and so full of love I saw myself half back and blue Rolling off the roof with you And where did I forget to go? What did I give up? What did I forget to do? And who did I forget to love?
12.
Moses 02:19
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Moses painted the inside yellow, Moses painted the outside blue; And he covered his roof with shingles And he covered his body too. Moses was a little hungry, Moses was a little shy; Moses charmed us from the corner For another piece of pie. Moses married a fine young woman, And her name was Liza Jane; She knew Moses would be busy But she wed him just the same. Moses was a man of honor, Moses was a man of truth; Moses lay awake till midnight With an unsatisfied sweet tooth. Moses led the burning nation, Moses worshiped in the straw; Moses laid the new foundation, Moses anchored what he saw. Moses came from desperate parents, Moses went his desperate way; Moses bargained for salvation Now his children have to pay. Moses died and went to heaven, To the thunder and the cheers; Moses lost his mind in heaven And he cried a million years.
13.
John's Wife 04:33
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I took a lover, it was late in the Spring The fleas did sparkle, and the bees did sing His body beside me, like a bird on the wing And the skies did weep and mourn I came back to John, when the mid-summer tattled The doors all closed, and the ceiling rattled I took off my clothing, but none of it mattered And the skies did rain cold rain I went back to night school, the following Autumn I passed my lessons, and then I forgot 'em Professor did stare at bottom and bosom We did gather there And the Winter came, like a guiltless trial When we met on the platform, we forgot to smile And the air was dead, but after a while We did not notice the snow John is a master of rationing sorrow John is a swell and a jolly good fellow But the water is deep where it looks to be shallow He will drown in tears I am alive, starved and swollen An untaught, fear-fraught, half-crazy woman In need of a drink, or my father's blessing Help me to be free Now it's early in Spring, and the streets have roses The buses go by, children hold their noses A daughter of darkness, a daughter of Moses I will die one day
14.
Eugene 03:32
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She's gone, she's gone She won't be coming back soon Gone like I knew she'd be I got no company But me They'll laugh, they'll laugh Like when, my tooth fell down the drain I guess I made her leave me, Now Daddy's gonna hit me, Daddy's gonna hit me again My hair, close hair, cut curls Eugene is a very bad boy Making angels out of girls They bite me in the neck, They're not shy The sun, hot sun, close sun The sun is making fun of me, Oh Eugene, you're very young Oh, you don't know how very young She's gone, she's gone Gone like the flowers that spread against the sky Gone like a warm lullaby Eugene, Eugene, don't be mean Don't cry, why don't you go right on ahead and die Drain the life out of your eyes and sleep Go to where the sunrise is charming the armies to sleep
15.
Walking Through Sand 02:48
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Now the war is over Now the fight is done Pull your bloody clothes off Wait for day to come Do not wait for friendship Don't trust everyone I just love to watch you Sleeping in the sun Now I can't remember Where this all began It's been just like a nightmare Like walking through sand No, I don't remember Much of anything And I know I'm going to make The same mistakes again Japanese colors, Twisted in a grin Wrestler in a clown suit Trying to make a pin There are lots of mindless puppeteers Making your head spin Trying to convince you that Your soul is made of tin Take me to the seashore Take me to the beach Love me like you're angry Love me like a leach I've got nothing to learn And I've got nothing to teach I love to watch your silhouette Dancing out of reach It all comes from the same place Deep within my heart Fear blends in to anger And anger into art Don't tell me that I'm stupid Don't tell me that I'm smart Sketch me in the darkness And watch me fall apart Now the war is over Now the fight is done Pull your bloody clothes off Wait for day to come Do not wait for friendship Don't trust everyone I just love to watch you Sleeping in the sun
16.
Deliver Me 03:47
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Wonderful seasons are used and past Wonderful seasons are over at last And now you must die, child Make it a gracious goodbye, child Mother, deliver me Mother deliver me Mother deliver me now Mother deliver me now Counting beats for the soldiers to go I lost track in the powerful snow "Oh, when should we go?" "I'm afraid I don't know" Father, deliver me... The streets are filled with the almost grown I can't stand to be naked alone Rise when the morning bell rings, child Walk where the morning bird sings, child Lover, deliver me... Heavy times and heavy pains Crying shames and singing stains Life in the hole, Masks on the soul Brother, deliver me... Dying seasons must wait to be torn Wonderful children must wait to be born Rise from the place where I fell, child Keep the lesson well, child Child, deliver me Child, deliver me Child, deliver me now Child, deliver me now

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released November 15, 2005

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Andrew Calhoun Chicago, Illinois

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